Dear Dad, it's Father's Day.

Dear Dad,

We've had some good times. And even though I'm 1,300ish miles away from you today, I'm thinking about you, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite moments.

Remember when you had all your hair and I didn't?

Remember when I was a kid, we were always on a team? We built fences as a team, played golf as a team and played games as a team.

When I was really small, you would take me to the auction barn with you a couple of times to get cows, and I would wear my red cowboy boots and try to act cool because we were a cow-buying team.

We drove your truck as a team, too. You would let me steer the truck or shift the gears for you. I learned that holding the steering wheel perfectly still did not make the truck drive perfectly straight like I thought it would. That was scary.

Remember when you were teaching me to drive on my own and made me back the stock trailer up to the sheep pen? That was terrifying. Remember how I backed up too far and hit the fence? Thanks for not freaking out.

... Just like you didn't freak out when I crumpled up your license plate while backing up to the utility trailer.
... Just like you didn't freak out when I put two creases in the side of your farm truck in the parking lot at my part-time job.

"It happens," and, "That's why we have insurance," were good things to say in those moments. Thanks for that.

Remember when I was in high school and mom would send us to the grocery store for things, and you would sing whatever random song happened to be playing on the radio in the store? I told you that was embarrassing because I knew that's what you were going for, but I kinda loved it.

Remember when you got me out of school junior year to go to that basketball game in San Antonio? Remember how Amar'e Stoudemire dunked on that old man Tim Duncan a few times? That was awesome!!! I try not to remember how the Spurs won in double overtime anyway. You were pretty smug about that, weren't you?

Remember that time you said "sad day" when I was a freshman in college to make fun of me for turning into one of those girls? That still makes me laugh.

Remember when Scott and I picked you up from the dentist in Abilene and you were really heavily sedated and said all kinds of ridiculous things? Nope, you probably don't ... But we will laugh about that for years to come.

I guess what I'm getting at is thanks for being my dad. You're pretty good at it.

Love,
Bug

My first friend

For the first 90 seconds, I was cool 

Once upon a time, I ruined a young man's life.

He was just a month shy of his second birthday, and the world was his oyster. 

The apple of his parents' and grandparents' eyes, he could do no wrong. He was the master of the two-bedroom farm house, chaser of puppies, rider of horses, copilot of tractors and center of attention. 

Then I was born. 

At first it was exciting to have a little sister. But after about 90 seconds, that passed, and it was no good. 

Then I started stealing his toys and attention, and it was even worse.  

He tried everything to get them to take me back to the hospital I came from. 

Then he had second thoughts. 

He tried to stage a protest by eating a bug, but that didn't work. "Boys will be boys," they said. 

I wasn't sweet and obedient like he was. I disobeyed, talked back, threw fits and wanted everything to be pink. 

Can you imagine? Pink?! In his house! 

I was mean to him in ways only a sister can be. 

I wanted to do everything he did, and I wasn't quiet about it. 

He gave up eventually and even tried to humor me here and there. He gave me the second controller of his Nintendo, let me ride shotgun when he got his driver's license. He even let me come stay with him a week at a time when he went to college. 

My longest-lasting friendship

Ultimately, I think I get a lot more out of me being his sister than he does. But don't tell him I said it. 

His outgoing personality and positive reputation paved my way with teachers, helped me get a job and make friends. 

As much as I resented always being "Nathan's little sister," I'm not sure I could have done much better. 

He talked me through my first heart break, took me to buy my guitar and stood with me when I got married. 

His is my longest lasting friendship. 

A while back, he let me know he had started seeing this girl. He thought she was way out of his league, and he wasn't sure where it was headed so "don't tell mom and dad yet," he said.  

If I were a vengeful person, I might have conspired to bring mom and dad down for an awkward surprise visit to meet her, like he did when I first started seeing J. But I figured I owed him one. 

He told me that he had known this girl for a while, that she was beautiful, that he knew she was special, but he didn't think she would be interested in him. 

He was wrong, of course. 

A while after that, he started showing me a few rings she liked and asking a few questions about marriage. 

Those that know us both well, know that Nathan is the stylish one in the family, and he's also the one with all the relationship experience. So him asking for my input on his relationship and engagement rings was no small surprise. 

The fact that he wanted to marry Kara was no surprise at all. 

Based on all the years I've observed my brother's taste in girls, this list is a few of the things he would want in a wife. I marked through the ones he might have outgrown. 

• named Cindy or Cynthia  (For most of 3rd and 4th grade this was a high priority.)
• kind
• beautiful 
• passionate about agriculture
• wants a simple, meaningful life
• respects him 
• committed
• loves ninja turtles (This may still be a thing. I'm not sure.)
• makes him feel needed
• practical
• hardworking 
• open-minded
• loves cowboy movies
• bright
• challenging
• knows when to be silly and when to be serious
• bakes 
• prioritizes her faith and her family
• likes kids and dogs

Those of you who know Kara at all know she is pretty much the whole package. So I'll take this as my opportunity to thank her for helping restore the life I ruined almost 25 years ago. 

Thanks for looking past the all the swag and leather-scented air fresheners to see my brother for what he is: a loyal friend to those he loves, an ambitious advocate of what he believes in and a big ol' stupid head. 

Earth Day Style

Lately I've been focused on Earth Day projects at work, so I started thinking about Eco-friendly fashion. 

I think this Earth Day (April 22) it's okay to drag out some trends we haven't seen in a few years and go all out for a youthful, earth-friendly look.  

Share a pic of your Earth Day style in the comments! 

Five things I forgot I learned about being a wife

Dear future me,

So you're in need of a refresher course in wife-ing eh?

As I sit in the apartment I share with my husband, thinking about what I need to get done before tomorrow (confession: this wasn't on that list), I was thinking about some of the lessons I find really useful as a young, relatively newly married person.

What I go back to time and time again are the women in my young life who showed me what it is to be a wife, an employee and a unique, vibrant person all at the same time. And some most of them were moms too. Still having trouble wrapping my brain around how they did all of that.

Now, there's no way to emphasize enough the education I received through the example and wisdom of the older ladies I know. I can't count my adopted grandmothers on this earth and my birth grandmothers... well there really aren't words for all the wisdom they've shared with me.

Then there are the ladies around my mom's age and younger who I've been close to. That's the group I want to focus on.

These are the ladies whose lives I became a part of in the thick of it, the busiest part of their lives. I saw them interact with their husbands, handle work stress, manage their responsibilities at home and herd children... (sometimes me included).

So I put together some things I tend to forget I learned from these women for those days when I need a little guidance.

• None of them do it the same way. 

There's no magic formula that makes your family run how you want it to. I think about this when I feel insecure about doing something differently than how my mom did it, or how my grandma taught me to do it, or how my friends do it. Everybody has to run their lives in the way that works for them. If it's not working, do be afraid to do something differently. This is true even (and maybe especially) if other women pressure you to conform to something that's not working for you.

• None of them do it perfectly. 

Sometimes even when we do things the way that normally works for us, to the best of our abilities, we still come up short. I think that's scary, especially when you think about the added responsibility that comes with being a wife or a mother. When the people you love most depend on you to come through for them, failure is a scary concept. But the thing is, everybody fails sometimes. What's really inspiring to me is to watch someone get up and deal with that reality, clean up after their mistake and not be afraid to keep going.

• They are not always happy

Sometimes when you have a loving husband or a cute baby or a nice house people just expect that you never have anything to be unhappy about. But that's not reality. I think the happily-ever-after at the end of the Disney movie makes a lot single women (past, past me included) feel like once we get married our most dramatic, difficult time will be behind us. That is definitely not the case. Marriage is not a bubble that protects you from reality. It's very real. And sometimes it's really difficult. That's when I think about these women that I grew up around who went through really difficult times in their marriages. I caught a glimpse of the reality of committing yourself to another person for life. I saw that seemingly insurmountable issues can be overcome if you and your husband are willing to sacrifice for it. I'm grateful for these women being open about their lives with me. What these women have done for their families makes me want to work harder and be stronger for mine. 

• Being a Mrs. doesn't mean you have to lose yourself

Having a vibrant personality, quirks and interests don't have to go away when you put on a wedding band. Sometimes I think some young wives get caught up on being the perfect cake-topper bride and forget to be themselves. Want to neglect the kitchen for a day and paint a picture instead? do it. I'm not saying you need to neglect your family for these things, but having personal time here and there is important. Self sacrifice doesn't mean as much if there's nothing left of you to give. So much of what we do is for appearances anyway. Sometimes I find it helpful to remember how fun it was to be around those women who didn't care if their carpet was outdated or their house wasn't spotless. They just lived life and shared with others genuinely. Skip the pretenses; just be yourself.

• It's worth it even when it's not easy

The epicness that is being a wife can't really be described. Sharing your life with the love of another person is a special gift. Cherish it. 

Okay, now get back to it, lady!

Sincerely, 

Past me

Texas our Texas

I promised to write about repping Texas in ND so here goes nothin'.  

I was never really the kind of Texan to buy and display or wear very much Texas-themed merchandise. 

Because I lived in Texas my entire life (until recently), rarely left and almost always surrounded myself with fellow citizens, I didn't realize how much of my identity is rooted in the lone star state.

But now I get it. 

And it shows. From my first day at work when a stranger said "you're not from here," after I uttered about 4 words, I knew I couldn't hide my Texas roots even if I wanted to. 

And I don't. 

I proofread copy for an agriculture magazine, and it took two months for me to stop reading farmer's quotes in my dad's accent. 

I still do impressions of all older men with that accent. Because, where I'm from, that's just how they talk...

But I digress... After a few weeks, people seemed to be getting used to me saying y'all. 

Then came the day I said spu-uds. 

 

Allow me to set the scene: 

In ND, if your referring to potatoes casually, you use the term spuds. 

So that's what we call a chart in Agweek that tells about their prices. 

In a hurry one Friday, I was running down the list of charts with my editor, checking off each one as I went. 

"Grain futures, check. Livestock futures, check. ..."

Now, reflect back with me to the golden days of the Cosby show... Remember Rudy's neighbor friend? I never knew his name because she always just called him bud. 

Can you hear her say it? "bu-ud." 

That's pretty much exactly how I said spuds. With all the drawl and twang Loraine, TX could impart, I said it and never thought twice... 

Until my editor started giggling that is...

At first, I was embarrassed. The academic snob in me was taken back to that one time a professor at a conference called me a peasant when I told her I was raised on a farm. (That's a story for another day.) 

Then, I was kind of proud. This is who I am, drawl and all. 

I may not be a Texas resident anymore, but being from Texas is not something you can drop at the border. It's a nationality of sorts, an identity. It's me. 

And I'm glad. 

So... umm... remember the Alamo! (This may not be totally appropriate ending here. But I'm going with it...)

Reflections on 2013

DISCLAIMER: I try to keep it light on my blog. I figure there's enough pessimism, depth and ...well... whining on the internet without me adding my drop to the bucket. But it's New Year's Eve, and I just watched Jerry McGuire (who can watch that movie without getting all philosophical?), so this post is going to be a little different.

Feel free to go back to scrolling through Facebook at any time.

Looking back on the year I've had, I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it has been the hardest year of my life so far.

My life has been so blessed, and I know so many others, maybe even you, have a had it much harder than I have in 2013. But for me, this was a really difficult year.

That's not to say it was all bad.

Challenges are often the result of opportunity, and I have been given some great opportunities this year. So there's that.

But sometimes it's hard to see the opportunity for what it is, when the challenge seems insurmountable. Like August 12, 2013, the day I officially moved to Grand Forks, North Dakota, about 1,200 miles from the only part of the world I could imagine calling home.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I cried myself to sleep that night.

I didn't really understand then what I know now. My home is not tied to a place, a region or an old, yellow brick farm house sitting in a field of red dirt. It's tied to my heart, and I gave that to J. Dykowski a (relatively) long time ago.

I just saw a tight knit group of people I didn't know with funny accents, cigarettes and bad taste in Mexican food. I can be a really closed-minded snob sometimes...

To be honest, from the start this experience has been nothing like what J or I thought it would be, but we're learning and growing. It's humbling, and it's hard.

But it's worth it.

Some of the challenges that made this year so difficult are things I didn't get to chose. Like losing my grandpa.

I want to write about him. What he taught me even after he was gone. How he filled a special role in my life. But I can't seem to find the right words. Maybe someday I will. For now I think I'll just leave it alone.

In my "professional" life I've had some challenges too. From delaying graduation to having to find a job outside of my degree, it didn't go according to my plan.

But I did graduate. And I love my current job, and there are exciting opportunities on the horizon for me to continue building my academic CV. So we'll count that as a victory.

2013 had a lot of other challenges, hard choices and victories I won't get into. I feel like I grew as a person, but mostly I just see a long road of struggles ahead and changes I still need to make.

2014 is only about a half hour away. With it comes a whole new set of challenges, opportunities and struggles. I'm probably not ready, but I'm as ready as I can be.

Mostly, I'm just grateful that I don't have to face it alone.

Thank you, friends and family old and new for sticking with me through thick and thin this year.

Happy New Year.

Shoveling snow: Mrs. Dykowski and the great big drift

Dear readers,

Most of you know by now that my journeys in the great white north are a learning experience in more ways than one.

As I type, we're experiencing our first blizzard.

In Texas of course a "blizzard" (I've only seen one that might have been called a blizzard in all my years as a Texan, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't actually count.) means everyone stays home except those people who are absolutely needed for society to function.

That group never included me.

In North Dakota, if you want a snow day, you have to take PTO, and that's not an option for me if I want to go back to Texas without quitting my job. This all leads to one harsh reality of life: driving slow and shoveling snow.

Before today, I thought shoveling snow was fun, I have a pretty red snow shovel, and the snow is glittery and light. You feel so accomplished when you're done shoveling, because the area you cleared is smooth and nice and there's a pile of unwanted snow out of the way that you can look at and say 'I did that!'

Tonight, all of that changed.

Tonight, I drove across town in some crazy snow to get home from work. Luckily most of the roads are well traveled, so it wasn't so bad until I got to the street I live on, which was white, no visible stripes or curb, but I navigated that okay for the 3 blocks to my apartment. Then I turned into the driveway to our garages and my tires started spinning.

On the farm where I grew up, I was notorious for getting trucks stuck in sand in the turn row, so I know a couple of tricks for getting out... (One of them is call dad, but that one doesn't work here.) And snow is different, so I just put the car in park and walked around it to see what the issue was.

There was so discernible issue, so I backed up about a foot and pressed onward, slowly. Finally with two left turns a few hasty prayers, I made it to the row garages to find a great big drift piled in front of the garage door.

Bummer.

I never thought I'd have to dig my way into somewhere. But that's just what I did. I had to take a brief intermission to move my car our of a guy's way in the meantime.

Half an hour later I made it into the garage, finished up shoveling in front of Scott's garage, looked at the mountain I built on the other side and waded to the door.

I say waded because leading up to the door the snow came up to my mid-calf or higher. Thank heaven for tall Northface boots. At first, I wasn't sure the door would open but luckily a strong neighbor had pushed it open just a few minutes before I came in, clearing a path.

Whoa y'all that was some snow! And I'm pretty sure I'll see worse before it's all said and done...

As the North Dakotans say, "yooo betcha!"

The view from our apartment last night.

The view from our apartment tonight.