Reflections on 2013

DISCLAIMER: I try to keep it light on my blog. I figure there's enough pessimism, depth and ...well... whining on the internet without me adding my drop to the bucket. But it's New Year's Eve, and I just watched Jerry McGuire (who can watch that movie without getting all philosophical?), so this post is going to be a little different.

Feel free to go back to scrolling through Facebook at any time.

Looking back on the year I've had, I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it has been the hardest year of my life so far.

My life has been so blessed, and I know so many others, maybe even you, have a had it much harder than I have in 2013. But for me, this was a really difficult year.

That's not to say it was all bad.

Challenges are often the result of opportunity, and I have been given some great opportunities this year. So there's that.

But sometimes it's hard to see the opportunity for what it is, when the challenge seems insurmountable. Like August 12, 2013, the day I officially moved to Grand Forks, North Dakota, about 1,200 miles from the only part of the world I could imagine calling home.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I cried myself to sleep that night.

I didn't really understand then what I know now. My home is not tied to a place, a region or an old, yellow brick farm house sitting in a field of red dirt. It's tied to my heart, and I gave that to J. Dykowski a (relatively) long time ago.

I just saw a tight knit group of people I didn't know with funny accents, cigarettes and bad taste in Mexican food. I can be a really closed-minded snob sometimes...

To be honest, from the start this experience has been nothing like what J or I thought it would be, but we're learning and growing. It's humbling, and it's hard.

But it's worth it.

Some of the challenges that made this year so difficult are things I didn't get to chose. Like losing my grandpa.

I want to write about him. What he taught me even after he was gone. How he filled a special role in my life. But I can't seem to find the right words. Maybe someday I will. For now I think I'll just leave it alone.

In my "professional" life I've had some challenges too. From delaying graduation to having to find a job outside of my degree, it didn't go according to my plan.

But I did graduate. And I love my current job, and there are exciting opportunities on the horizon for me to continue building my academic CV. So we'll count that as a victory.

2013 had a lot of other challenges, hard choices and victories I won't get into. I feel like I grew as a person, but mostly I just see a long road of struggles ahead and changes I still need to make.

2014 is only about a half hour away. With it comes a whole new set of challenges, opportunities and struggles. I'm probably not ready, but I'm as ready as I can be.

Mostly, I'm just grateful that I don't have to face it alone.

Thank you, friends and family old and new for sticking with me through thick and thin this year.

Happy New Year.